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Reflections by Esther Swyer
written June 16, 2004
It is 11:10am. - I have just
been reading my Bible and devotional readings for this day, and the
scripture for one of them was Psalm 92: 12-15 - speaking about
flourishing still in old age. It started me thinking back and
reflecting on my almost 46 years as a Christian - my good times and my
bad - the many times I have had to call out for help, and learn to trust
Him - the many times He has reached out to me, strengthened me and held
me. So often He has had to pick me up and start me off again, but
always He was there, sometimes in the shadows, but always there when I
needed Him.
So many memories flood my mind, but the one overall thought is the
strong realisation of how good He has been to me. The many, many
blessings He has showered upon me as He walked with me, often carried me
through the valleys or on the long hard paths up a particular mountain.
And then the wonder and joy of the mountain tops, when I'd get a glimpse
of what He was doing and where He was leading me - not always knowing
why but always knowing He was allowing and using everything that
happened to accomplish His purpose and will in my life. Even when I
cried out against it all or rebelled for a time, still He continued to
hold me. He would not let me go. And although I didn't realise then, I
know now how deep and strong my faith was growing; how deep my roots
were growing in the soil of His love and faithfulness to me.
As I continue to reflect on it all, I realise that now, in my seventies,
He is still keeping me, still blessing me in so many ways. I am blessed
in the wonderful memories of fun times with my husband and children, and
then the grandchildren; in the memories of the wealth He has given me in
so many good and faithful friends, faithful to help when needed,
faithful to speak when needed, faithful to rebuke when needed, faithful
in sharing His word and love when often so desperately needed. And
those same friends have been part of so many wonderful times of joy and
spiritual blessings and growth in Him. How blessed I have been in such
wealth.
He has also blessed me in my church, in both my present church, and in
the one I used to go to where I first became a Christian and where I
began to grow as a new babe in Christ under the preaching of the Word of
God and in the nurturing care of good and faithful pastors. And when I
moved from there over twenty-four years ago, the blessings continued as
He gave me more of those good friends, and good pastors.
He has blessed me with good health for the most part, with the
continuing ability to serve Him in so many ways, in the church and
outside of the church - and in the realisation that He is still able to
teach me and continue to use me in new ways. I thank Him for a sense
of humour and the ability to laugh (often at myself) and to have fun.
And I thank Him for the way He continues to watch over me and my family,
and helps me to make hard decisions when necessary and for courage to
act on those decisions if I have to. And I thank Him for the joy He has
given me in teaching His Word over the years.
And yes, I have had my share of pain and sorrows, of regrets and "what
ifs" - sometimes I think more than my share - but He knows better than I
do what is "my share" - and He knows how much of those times is needed
to mingle with the many joys and blessings He gives - in order to
accomplish His will for me. And I know that all the wonderful happy
times, the spiritual joys, and the hilarious fun - the joys of family,
so many blessed memories - they far outweigh the other sadder times.
But as the years have passed, I have learned to thank Him for the whole,
not just the happy part, and like the gnarled old trees that still have
life and fruit because of their deep roots drawing strength from hidden
sources, I have joy in knowing that my roots too have grown deep in my
Saviour's love and strength, and in knowing He is still willing and able
to use me.
Thank you, Lord, for Your wonderful mercy, grace, patience and for your
forgiving love. Thank you for the eyes to see the beauty around me, for
the awareness I find in it of Yourself. Thank you for breaking my
heart, and using all the hurts to give me a heart to feel and share the
pain and joys of others. Thank You too for the freedom to cry when Your
Spirit moves me, and for the ability to write and sometimes to share of
the things You show me and bless me with. Sometimes all I can say in
response is, "thank you, thank You, thank You." With a heart full of
love to You, Lord, I thank You.
about the author
Esther Swyer was born in Yarmouth County, Nova Scotia. The eldest of eight children she married at twenty-one and promptly had six children. She became a Christian in October of 1958 at the age of twenty-five and was baptised in December of that year. She began teaching a Sunday School class of a dozen nine to ten year olds in 1961 or 1962 and has been teaching various age groups ever since.
Esther began teaching adults and leading Bible studies sometime in the seventies. She became involved in WMS in the late sixties and held various positions over the years, then in the early to mid-seventies she started serving on the Association Council. On top of all that she was involved for many years in ladies retreats serving as small groups director for around twenty years. Currently Esther is president of the WMS on the Association level, treasurer of her church, adult ladies class teacher, and is completing her third year as a church deacon.
Her first marriage ended after twenty-two years. She re-married thirteen years later in December 1988 and was widowed in June of 2000. She has eighteen grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. Esther has just published a book about her spiritual journey.